South Beach Hotel

This hotel is really bad. The front desk is located in an adjacent sister hotel. The original front des of the hotel appears abandoned when you walk into the SBH. The lobby area (if you want o call it that) was messy and seemed to be used as a storage unit for things like folding chairs and tables. My room smelt of mold immediately upon walking in and I could see evident of active mole growth in certain places. Furniture was outdated, filled with stains, and dirty. One of my windows was covered in plastic and I could not see outside. The carpet is old and filthy...Feet were black after walking on it for just a few minutes. I only stayed for one night and then checked out early to move to a different hotel that was much better. Please read the other reviews prior to booking and avoid the mistake I made. Read less

Upon arriving we were impressed by the fountain and the courtyard, but when we entered the “lobby” we thought we’d accidentally walked into an abandoned tuberculosis quarantine. The lobby was unstaffed and furnished with three empty daybeds and a wet floor sign. A man was leaning against a closed down bar or reception desk, hard to tell what it was because it was stocked with cardboard boxes and a mop. He had his back to us and the door and was scrolling on his phone. Assuming he was another guest trying to figure out if this was in fact his hotel and fumbling with our luggage while checking our phones to figure out if we’d been dropped off at the wrong location, the man in the lobby turned around suddenly, said hello to us and something else we couldn’t comprehend because the combination of words was nonsensical given the context. Turns out he was saying we had to go to the something that starts with B. He was nice enough to show us the way back out the courtyard and around a corner to another lobby where we then realized this man was an employee of the hotel. The receptionist couldn’t be bothered to greet us or tell us our room number but she did take my America Express card (the company that referred us to this hotel) and told me she’s holding a deposit, highlighted with a yellow marker the WiFi signal name (not password because it wasn’t password protected) on a 8.5 x 11 black and white printed list of “amenities” which indicated the pool hours did not align with our stay, and then pointed over her shoulder indicating South Beach Hotel was back through the courtyard. So we wheeled our luggage through the courtyard a 3rd time on which we decided the bumpy mismatched hardscaping was much less charming and wondered why the hotel employee didn’t suggest leaving the wheeled bags where they were. Once back into the tuberculosis quarantine we had to find the elevator, not hard, but usually service includes some verbal indication or way-finding signs. The hallways were ugly, the ceilings were low and I was immediately reminded of that creepy documentary about the many deaths that occurred at the Cecil hotel. The room was a big bum out. It was renovated with some newer modern style finishes but furnished with damaged thrift store finds such as a rat-nibbled, leather clad desk chair that had been left out on the curb for a while, and a dresser complete with drink rings on the surface but missing its feet. The seemingly “new” upholstered headboard was stained above the pillow - but how and with what? Hopefully a giant spray tanned back, because hair that big and greasy? Dyed? Spray tanned? Would have been there for many days to created that kind of situation. Worst of all the true boner killer was the “work of art” hanging over the bed. It was a blown up beyond sharpness quality cell phone ratio photograph (probably ordered from Snapfish frame and all) featuring Woody and Buzz lightyear hanging out of a Delorian, wearing phoo eating grins and waving, not in an ironic way, in a don’t you love Disney way. For a second there I was relieved because I was like, “oh yeah I’m in Orlando, no wonder this place sucks.” Then I snapped back to reality and was furious because I’m paying a lot of money not to be not just in Miami, but in “glamorous”? South Beach. Something else that was weird was the toiletries. They were 4 silver tubes designed to look like a rip off of the brand Bigelow and Co. emblazoned in multiple fonts with adjectives like “restorative” and “revitalizing”. Two were “Aromatic” but all were the same flavor, “lemon smell” and continued to be described as “MY Item”, bio, and eco. I think eco meant economical for the hotel owner, who according to a plaque on the wall by the door to the South Beach Hotel lobby is a company called “Think”, and hopefully bio doesn’t mean the precious guests‘ biology is an ingredient. I investigated but the print on the back was so small all I could read was “made in china”. After a nights sleep we proceeded toward check out at the other hotel which started with a B and is the name of the open WiFi signal, and wheeled our luggage down the hall past housekeeping, past a wadded up dirty sock on the floor, past ooop! the other one, through the sick bay lobby with the empty pillowless day beds, past a waterlogged pair of lace panties that the only working employee had just fished out of the fountain in the wheeled-luggage-hating courtyard. What was really nice was that the receptionist saved the formalities and swiftly asked me for my room number even though it was written on the key’s envelope I placed in her hand that I received just mere hours earlier from that precise location in lieu of verbal communication. The receptionist is trying to figure out what to do on her computer keyboard until her colleague comes over and asks me what my room number is. After I tell him he circles it on a folded up piece of paper with a sharpie marker, looks me in the eye and says “you’re fine”. I take that to mean “thank you for your business, i hope you enjoyed your stay, you’ll be paying the residents of FL’s income tax while you’re here in the form of sales tax on anything and everything you buy, and you’ll receive your security deposit back directly now buh-bye. Later, via a pdf attached to an email from replyto@property.com and find out, “you’re fine” means I’ll be charged $6.00 for a bottle of Fiji from the mini bar plus mini bar use fee and tip. I haven’t touched a plastic bottle of water since the first time I saw one of those bottle fillers that counts the number of plastic bottles saved, let’s call then 2005. Additionally I got charged for using the coffee pods provided which were in a box branded by Illy but were not illy. Hopefully they were some kind of reusable contraption filled with at best Foldgers, because they contained a ton of plastic. It’s been 3 days and my deposit has not been released. I replied to the above email, which also contained a request for this review asking for a refund and threatening to post this review. No response. So overall if you want a chic boutique style stay in South Beach but none of the comfort or style and to be charged undisclosed fees for items you didn’t receive, or just to get skeeved out for the fun of it, visit South Beach and stay in a hotel for more than the advertised rate. Read less

This hotel has grossly misrepresented their property. The images are photoshopped. We walked all around the block in the pouring rain wondering why we couldn’t find the hotel. When we finally found the property we roamed around the unsecured, two story, dimly lit, damp smelling property looking for help or a reception desk. When we couldn’t find anyone, we went back out in the rain circling the block. Our shoes, clothes, and suitcases were soaked. No one answered the phone. A small sign typed on printer paper hidden in the bushes informs you that check-in is at a neighboring property. When we finally got a room, it had visible black mold, roaches, ants, smalls holes in the wall, and expired mini bar snacks. Read less

Do NOT stay here!!!! There was a roach in our room and we had to be moved to a different "smaller" room and I'm still fighting to get some kind of compensation for it. Our original room's air condition unknowingly to us leaked and the inside of my entire purse got soaked. Then we were charged for a bottle that we didn't even drink. The only plus is the location allowed us to pretty much walk everywhere Read less